Aching for some Red Hot Pie tonight? Shit, I feel you because it feels like it’s been hours since I last ejaculated into an old gym sock. Seriously, though, the pandemic was a bad time for trying to find some poon on the Internet, but it seems like the clouds are finally starting to lift. Maybe you’re vaccinated, or perhaps you just never gave a fuck, but either way, I think it’s about time to get back into the game.
To that end, RedHotPie.com.au might have precisely what you’re looking for. As you’ve probably guessed from the name, this isn’t your typical wholesome dating site where people pretend they want to make small talk before burying their faces in each other’s asscracks. This is the kind of dating site where people are upfront about wanting to fuck. You’ve probably noticed the Australian country code in the URL, and that’s because I’m currently in the land of the long weekend, but they’ve got options for sex dating around the world. Let’s see what’s up with the Red Hot Pie down in Oz.
A Dating Site Named After Pussy
In case you’re dense and don’t realize the name “RedHotPie” is a vagina reference, you’ll probably understand the vibe as soon as you hit the site’s landing page. Sites like Match and eHarmony give you big handfuls of very G-rated, non-sexual stock art of people smiling, but there’s no mistaking what the couple in the header image here is up to. The shirtless dude looks like a low-rent Hemsworth brother, and I’m guessing they chose the image for that reason, Thor being from Australia and all. The blondie in the bra sidling up to him has that pornstar look, and if this were real life and not a photo shoot, they’d definitely be fucking a minute after the shot.
Hell, even some of the sample photos of RedHotPie members are dripping with that raw, open sexuality perverts like me go crazy for. One babe is taking a selfie in a mirror, looking over her shoulder, so we get a good shot of her ass. There’s also an interracial couple of swingers with big pervy smiles and even a pretty lady paired with a tranny, looking for a third. That’s a big difference from the sexless profile pics you get on many other sites.
Of course, the site would be fucking garbage if those were the only members available. Any dating site requires a lot of members to be useful, and fortunately, that seems to be the case here. RedHotPie claims over 3 million member listings worldwide. That means you won’t be wandering around a fucking ghost town with your dick out, looking for fuck holes that ain’t even there. This place is hopping!
The site is very swinger-friendly, and they’ve included a fair number of free swinger and sex-positive resources. Some require registration for a RedHotPie membership, while others are accessible without logging in or anything. Check out their Parties and Events section for sexy happenings in your neck of the outback, plus amateur pics, adult forums, and a thriving community of like-minded horny folks.
Dude Seeks Babes for Banging and Kink
Resources or not, you’re not going to get the most out of a dating/sex site unless you sign up for an account. RedHotPie.com.au has apps available for both iOS and Android
, which arguably makes the whole process a little more convenient than competitors like AdultMatchmaker. Though, I’ll be using the web interface for this review. The app is full-featured, giving you access to the whole shebang on your phone, including the built-in webcam chat features.
The signup process is fucking simple, as it should be. You don’t want to scare off potential customers before they get inside, right? You’ll answer some simple questions about your gender, birthday, relationship status, body type, and sexual orientation, followed by who you’re looking to meet. The site’s friendly to all sexualities and orientations, so you should be well served even if you’re a tranny looking for a lesbian couple, a straight man looking to hook up with a crossdresser, or just a straight dude looking to stick it to a couple of pretty girls.
After answering some questions about what kind of sex and fetish fun I’d like to get into, I chose a name, gave them an email address, and uploaded a photo. You know, the typical dating site setup. It’s worth noting that the basic membership is free like it is on most dating sites. The real question is how far you can get without giving them your credit card digits.
The whole process took maybe five or ten minutes, and then I was inside that Red Hot Pie, scoping out the offerings. Right away, I saw new member photos with the camera aimed at some succulent asses or big titties. The only faces I see are my own handsome mug and some pretty 24-year-old wearing scrubs, clearly aware she’s effortlessly attractive without having to thrust her tatas in your face. Hey, I like it either way!
The default feed is populated with new and popular posts on many social sites since you haven’t friended or followed anyone yet. Weirdly, RedHotPie.com.au gives you a lot of YouTube music videos in the pile, which is frankly kind of fucking stupid. If I wanted to listen to music on YouTube, I’d go to YouTube. I’m here to get laid, dammit!
Finding the Hottest Local Sluts
Below my profile picture in the member’s dashboard, there’s a DateFinder with some impressive numbers. RedHotPie supposedly has 4885 dates for me, including 88 matching dates. I wasn’t sure what they meant by that, so I clicked the Date Search button below. Call me surprised, but it turns out it’s a feature I haven’t seen before. You can search for dates by actual calendar date
, making it way easier to find a hookup who’s free to hook up and down to hook up exactly when you are.
Really, though, it was the location search I was looking for. A lot of these sites make it such that it’s damn near impossible to search for other users without becoming a premium member. I’m happy to report that RedHotPie.com.au does let you do searches by location, setting your location and preferred proximity, even if you haven’t shelled out the membership fee. That’s a big deal because it lets you know who’s looking to fuck near you.
They can only go so far, though. I found a chick with a pretty face and nice ass and decided to make my move. RedHotPie cut me off right there, telling me I had to get paid access if I want to message anybody. Honestly, this is pretty standard on sex dating sites, so I wasn’t surprised to run into this particular roadblock.
Red Hot Pie offers tiered membership plans with more features for more money. The most basic Premium plan will run you a whopping $46.80 a month, and that’s with the 10% discount, while the all-inclusive Diamond plan will run you $450 for three months. Any way you slice it, this is one of the more expensive sex dating sites out there.
As far as features go, the low-level plans seem skimpy as fuck. Forty-seven bones a month lets you have just ten conversations and five favorites a day, which doesn’t feel like a good bang for your buck. I think it’s one of those bullshit offers they put up to entice you into one of the bigger plans. God, I fucking hate that!
The thing is, this joint is pretty fucking good at getting users hooked. By the time I looked at the prices, I was already itching to meet some of these Brisbane broads. One of Red Hot Pie’s biggest strengths is just the sheer volume of people using the platform. Naturally, it will be a hell of a lot more useful in some areas than others, but that’s just how life works. My advice is to take a few minutes to set up a free account to see what kind of babes are available in your area. If and only if you like what you see, it may be worth the chunk of change it’s going to cost to hit one of these chicks up.